took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
