just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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