hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
