speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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