I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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