Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
