I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
