Plan B is the new Plan A
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
