i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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