At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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