I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
