My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
is it fun? or sober?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
