I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
