I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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