i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize