Its about making memories worth repressing
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
