the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
