the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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