You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
