Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
