I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Can I color on your dick again?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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