did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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