woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
