I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
