I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
