Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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