New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize