I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
