Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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