Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
