Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
