More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize