im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
