I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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