I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
