No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
