shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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