there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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