i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize