Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I am available for nakedness
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