A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
that's an acceptable place to lick
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
