i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize