as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
