I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i dont even know how to be here
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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