Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
