your parents love me but you hate me
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Your topless pictures make me question reality
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
