The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
