Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
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