shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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