I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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