Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
