my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
