Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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