i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Randomize
