I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
