I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
