Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
