I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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