She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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