how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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