butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Houston, we have a squirter
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
