he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
