Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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