sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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