My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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