so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You were trust falling into bushes
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
