i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
