trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
