never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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