sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
