because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
