if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
