He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
