I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
