did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
