dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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