I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
where does the pee come out of this thing
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
