This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
