I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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