She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
