Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
