Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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