I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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