dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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