i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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