I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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